But I don't wanna choose! I wanna do it all!

Grieving over my current life circumstances. Wasn't it bad enough already that I have to put up with my petty issues of everyday life, and now I have to choose between two of my dreams?? Seriously, I don't need more things to mess with my head, I think I already have enough insecurities and worries to keep me up awake at night. Why? Why do I have to choose between meeting the boy who was all I ever thought about since I was sixteen and my dreams of travelling and having adventures with some particular people? Why finally give me the opportunity to make my dreams come true but in such a way that I have to pick only one. Why does it have to happen at the same time. If it weren't for the time, I would be able to do both. But no, we cant have it all can we? So here I am, sitting here in my room, barely able to enjoy a good episode of Big Bang Theory, because I'm in a dilemma. Do i use my money to go see the Jonas Brothers Live in Russia (probably my once in a life time chance to meet the brothers) which is just for one night only or do I live on my other dream of travelling to Europe and having adventures. Both means so much to me.

I. Can't. Decide. :/

I love you and you know it! :)

Lets take a little stroll down memory lane, shall we? 

*flashback starts* It was on the 3rd of March 2011 where it all started. Here's a fragment of my very first blogpost that will tell you how it all started : 

"...my attempt to make Sardine went down the drain cause it tasted like crap. Thanks to me. The Padfak master chef!! :(  But just my luck, I coincidentally ran into the god-sent Dashvinder, my fellow Perimbun High School senior, who helped me out with the sardine. And it only got better! Because, Dash (surprised that I can’t cook) offered to make me pork for dinner. (unrelated details have been edited out to make the flashback short) .......While he made the dish, I was hanging around the common kitchen and I met Kamini akka (for the first time)  ...."

There you were in a black tank top and striped shorts, going to make fries. Dashy introduced us and my first impression on you, "aww she's so nice and friendly. And so pretty!" Little did I know at the moment that this woman would become such a big part of my life.

Time passed and we never really saw it happen, but we just became SO close. I spent more time in your room rather than my own. Every time I come back from uni, I go right to your room first, the room which you never lock! If I don't return from my room for more than 2 hours (usually cause I'm dead asleep) you'd think I died or something and come check up on me. haha. We pretty much did everything together didnt we? Gosh, so many memories created. I cherish every bit of it. All the laughs, the silly jokes, the screaming around padfak, the singing nights with papa and Adrian, cooking together, the sleepovers, movie nights with Mangala akka and Yuga akka (btw, they miss you too), dressing up for some nights, manicure, the tears, the drama and everything. The good, the bad and the ugly, we have been through it all I guess! And  I still remember the times when we go out together, people used to ask if we were sisters. Well, we may not be from the same womb, but woman, you most definitely are my sister!

Well, you are not just a best friend or a sister, but your were also my mother over here. You always help me out and talk some sense into my head, protect me from drama, and you spoil me so much. hee. I love it when you spoil me. :) It always made me feel safe that there was someone here who genuinely cares about me and loves me. Anything could go wrong and I would be like "well I have my Kamini akka" and things wont bother me as much. You made life away from home so much more easier.

We only had one semester together and time was flying away, as we counted the days to return back to Malaysia, i was excited, but at the same time, i was kinda upset that it was a day closer to you never coming back to Kursk. Nowadays we dont really talk on a daily basis but trust me, nothings changed between us. Cause distance can't drive besties apart! 

Then summer came along and we had even more fun together. I remember we used to text each other everyday, it was simply a must. Then I finally came over to your house to stay for a night and ended up staying there for almost a week! It was seriously the best time ever! Even went to your aunt's place, and also to your granny's place in Ipoh. I was accepted as a part of your family, and I'm so blessed for that. Your parents and Niva, they made me feel so at home. And I was simply overwhelmed when uncle and aunty referred to me as their third daughter. And you guys even trusted me with your entire house. Oh damn, I cant wait to come back for summer holidays and stay over again. Niva, you and I shall story each other till late night. You better make time for me k? 

Summer ended and it was time for me to go back to Russia, sadly you couldn't make it to the airport, you were working, so its okay. Although you trained me to be independent for when you are no longer in Kursk,  life without you was so different. It took time to get used to it. Whenever I miss you, or if I just want to have a good laugh, I watch back all the videos of us and see all the pics. One of my fav videos, is the one you were talking to the cats in padfak, you are hilarious I tell you! I'm so glad i took lots of pictures and videos that time, to a point where there were more pics of you rather than myself in my phone. haha.  Btw, remember, I'm still waiting to collect the teddy bear you got me as my send off present.. :) I'm counting to the days till we can meet again! I believe we owe each other so many stories! :D 

Okay if i chose to write about all the memories we shared together, I'd have to write a novel instead. So let me cut this short okay? Well woman,you are amazing person and I've learnt a lot from you. You made me a better person. You are one of my besties, like Hema and Vanessa. Once I'm done with med school, I'll come running to which ever hospital you're at! You promised to manja me remember? hee. I love you more than a fat kid loves candy.
 

Love you from here to infinity for eternity. 

(I like it when you purposely pretend to get this phrase wrong to get my attention. haha)

With that said, HAPPY BIRTHDAY WOMAN! 

Much love,
Pavi.

reviving my blog

Something that i drafted a few weeks back but never posted. I guess its about time I get it done. :

So it’s been about three months since I last blogged and it’s about time I resuscitated my blog from its apparent death.

Okay, I gotta say, I can write (like my blog post, poetry and stuff like that) ONLY when I’m inspired. Like I gotta have something so big happen, (let it be good or bad) that would make me feel all these great proportions of feelings to be able to write. To put it in a simpler term, I gotta be friggin happy or super emo and heartbroken to be inspired. So what made me write after three months? Well, I guess I can quote a specific line from The Script’s For the First Time song, “She's all laid up in bed with a broken heart”.  And I stared at the ceiling as all my frustrating thoughts haunted my mind. My frustration hails from one simple fact: a good friend bailed on me. What really happened was not really that big of a deal but it still hurts. But on the bright side, it made me feel so much that I managed to find that inspiration that I was searching for. So kudos to that! :)

Oh! OH! I know I didn’t blog in months (like duh, obvious much), but that doesn't mean I wasn’t writing at all. There were certain moments where I experienced an over flow of emotions, where I started to write poetry again after more than 6months at least. And these recent pieces of writing were actually complete opposites of my usual “depressed-angry-heartbroken-teenager” stuff.  YAY ME! *claps hands excitedly with a big proud smile on my face*  :D

Anyway, I can’t believe it has been three freaking months since I returned to Russia. Seriously where did the time go?! Classes have been SO DAMN hectic and plain-ass booooring! Most of the times I’d be like "I swear I’m 2 seconds away from slipping into a coma"......thinking of Joe Jonas usually helps revive me, thank god! Well, second sem is no joke. You could say it drains the life out of me at times. Study. Eat. Facebook (for lack of better things to do).  Sleep. That was pretty much my daily routine at the beginning of the sem. I quote a friend "I was experiencing a lull, a sort of exquisite nothing-to-do." And half the time I’m like "oh god safe me from loserdom!" Well it was more to a hell hole rather than loserdom though. A hell hole it is indeed. And I have been in denial for quite some time. It takes just a couple of inconsiderate retards to make me realise my state of denial. How is it that I thought I could actually get along with them, I still do not comprehend this fact. Like seriously, me no comprendo! Denial and then comes along the pain, the anger and followed by loneliness. I don't know how it happened but there was a point of time I became temporarily antisocial where the hostel, and more specifically my room......(although if we're gonna talk about specifics then I’d really have to narrow it down to my single bed with a pretty cover which has great ass space)...... became my sanctuary. And my lappy was best companion I could ask for.  And then who knows how it happened, but I suppose you could say I found another side of me. My alter ego perhaps? And you can closely associate me to the term "study hard, party harder"! :D hee.. And there is such thing called “fun” in my life these days, these past few weeks particularly *goes down memory lane to retrieve the memories of the DLS moments*.  :) Exhilarated would be a good word to describe my state of being these days.  (but of course, there still are some days where someone pushes a bit too far and I’d just wanna scratch their face off with my manicured nails (or give them a tight hug, on their neck, with a rope) and I’d be wishing they'd R.I.P. nope I don’t mean rest in peace, I mean rot in pieces) Yes, yes, I know some of you who are reading this would find the middle part of this paragraph contradict what you see/have seen. I'm always the one goofing around, being hyper and loud, happily being dramatic and bla bla bla.. You would have seen a happy girl with a constant smile on her face, well; you only see what I choose to show. There’s so much behind my smile that you just don’t know.

*realises something* I have the tendency to over rant don’t I? I think if I don’t rant on my blog or jabber to someone and get these feelings out, I might end up killing somebody. Joking. (Maybe not) okay stopping all the rants and ending the negative vibe now before I go all gibberish.

Anyway, one of my getaway place is ulitsa Lenina 94! Friends’ apartment. My son Mohan and I sleepover there during the weekends.  I love it there, it’s so homely and the residents are super awesome! We have 5 of them. Starting with our kakak besar Rancy aka amma sayang/my sorority sister! We bonded over an empty bottle. *inside joke* Then there’s the sweet couple Arvind aka uncle Awin & Komathe aka Aunty Komi who make really good food and they’re like super nice. Then there’s Kavin aka EVIL. He’s the clown of the house, a show on his own where you can just sit back and watch him all day long.  And the most adorable of them all is one of my personal fav, Koma aka LITLLE BOBOI CUTE CUTE KOMAAAA! :D hee.. Komaissoadorablethaticanstareathimalldaylong. Koma is THE BOMB!!

 -For the love of god Koma, you are so adorable that u deserve an entire blog post just about you and you only. I’m already inspired! *drafts something in mind*

Anyway, moving on. I joined cheer leading this sem, we're called the Cheerzingas (like the zinger burger. :P) and it has been a lot of fun. I mean yeah practice can be tiring at times but at the end of the day when we performed, it was all worth it. Had a tiny "failure moment" on stage when performing for Malaysian Night, one of the cheerzingas accidentally took my pom pom so i freaked out and went all blank, forgetting some of the steps. Total public humiliation. *sigh* oh well, shit happens. But it was definitely fun to perform AND the uniform is like so KEWT. hee.. can’t wait to start practicing for Gorky Games next Feb. :D

Hmmm I don’t wanna write about all the tiny things that's happened so far, cause I’m WAY too lazy at the moment, so I’ll just summarize on my bday and that’s pretty much the end of my post i reckon. 12am, was in Padfak, so like how it is for every other person's bday (for those in hostel i mean) my friends got me a cake and we had like a mini celebration. :) Then the next morning, after the skyping session with family, went to watch Eclipse but in Russian with no subtitles. So i assume you can pretty much imagine how lost we would have been, not knowing what they were saying. But fortunately, since I've read the books before, I could pretty much understand what’s going on. But the part where there were jokes, everyone was laughing cause they got the joke, and we were laughing at ourselves for not understanding the joke. It was nice though, the cinematography was really good during some scenes and some were just PLAIN BAD! The wedding scene was just so beautiful, I was like "screw Indian wedding, I want a wedding like this!". Then the scene that was a painful sight was the part where Bella and Edward were in the sea during their honeymoon, cause the cinematography was horrible. The water looked so fake! I was like this can’t be happening for real! Oh! But the scene where Bella transforms in vampire Bella, I was just "whooooa so pweety!!! " Anyway, after the movie, we went for dinner at Steak House, the four of us; son, amma sayang, evil and I. *recaps the funny conversations during dinner* Then as we headed to Lenina, I got into the house, wanting to go change, and I'm surprised with another cake by Uncle Awin, Aunty Komi, Little Boboi Cute Cute Koma and the rest. It was really so sweet, they took me by suprise cause I had no clue at all. Thanks people! :) And also to Kak Ira my head cheerleader, who's really good at baking, for baking the yummy cake and to Fadh who took the trouble to bring the cake over. :) So all in all it was a really good memorable birthday. Not forgetting the part where my friends wanted make things "memorable, and in their attempt to do so, they beat me up (playfully that is) and spanked me and shoved me on dirty snow.  All in the name of making things "memorable". Yupe guys,the pain that i vividly remember is surely memorable. =.=

And if you haven’t notice yet, in my endeavour of making a comeback at blogging, i decided to change the look of my blog. The pretty green stars that could have given eye sore to some of you readers, are now long gone. The Oh-So-Amazing Joe Jonas shall now be the one that decorates my blog.

What can I say, once a Jonas fan, ALWAYS a Jonas fan!

With that said, I'm officially too idle to go any further.

The end.  :)




Here are some pictures:

cheer leading performance for Malaysian Night

After the perfomance..

Hari, Mukesh, me, Mohan, Becky, Abi, Kevin.

Sherman and I.

Doshini akka and I. 

men in black and then there's me.

Becky, Abi, Lulu and I. :D

cheerzingas' party at Ashwinie's place..

Abi, Sarah, me, Ashwinie.

random crazyness..

Roomie and I :D

What will i do without my phone.. 

some of the Cheerzingas! :)

The residents of Lenina 94:

little boboi cute cute koma

Evil.

Aunty Komi and Uncle Awin.

Amma sayang.

Oh here's my son:

Birthday pictures:

my gift from Hema that is yet to be collected.

the rest of the pics are in the cam and im too lazy to upload em.. so that shall wait. :)