the pain of silence

i dont smile in my sleep anymore.
there's no longer excitement in my eyes.
just like the way,
there is no more honesty in yours.


you used to be my sunshine.
but now you bring me rain.
and i must be insane,
cause i love this pain.


i need to feel something.
i rather fight than be silent.
atleast then you'd speak to me.
baby please, 
help me break this silence.

LOVE DONT HATE

So, I’ve been in situations where it shows that people are of all sorts.

Nice ones, mean ones. Some loving and caring. Some are unbelievably selfish and ignorant. And then of course there’s few of them that you find yourself orbiting around and a few that are just absolutely repulsive!

And I end up thinking, who really matters to me? Cause there are times where that particular person that matters most , is the one that end up hurting you or pissing the crap outta you!

When things get shitty, you tend to find someone (let it be a friend or family). It’s someone you’re comfortable with, a person that you can talk to openly about issues or one that can help you figure out what to do next.  Well, it is at times like this where you can really know who’s got your back.  And I’m saying this based on experience here, people may surprise you! You might think this person will be there for you, and they might not. It’s gonna be a completely different person that holds you through your sorrow.  So cherish those who don’t disappear when things get ugly.

Then there are those who you need to put a lot of effort to show them that you care. They need to be shown in every possible way that they matter to you. It can feel like a chore at times, but at the end of the day, it’s worth it. And I’m not just saying it, cause its these people that actually care for you as well. So I always remind myself to show those darlings that I do care.

Oh, lets not forget the selected few that love you no matter what (like your family). You can screw it up big time, but they do eventually forgive you and take you back. Its these kind of people that I try to not hurt. It hurts to see them being hurt, you see.  I won’t deny, I’ve had those tiny failure moments, I mess it up and yet I’m not left alone. I gotta say, I’m pretty blessed to have them in my life.

Which reminds me, there are those who claim that you’re important to them, but all that is just bull crap. Why?? Cause they don’t mean it. Just words! Its all just words I tell you! They are oblivious of the fact that they are hurting you. I really don’t know why I still put up with them.  Oh wait, that’s right, I actually cant let go of the good memories we shared. But of course, they don’t mean anything to that other person I guess.  Ugh, this paragraph is so bitchy. Haha

Moving on,  I see a lot of people who tend to sacrifice and compromise just for the sake of their loved one (no I don’t just mean couples, but friends and family as well). You get stuck in this situation that you hate but you just go on with it anyway cause its making the other person happy. And when things like these happen to me, like when I’m really freaking pissed about doing something, I think about who I’m doing it for. That’s what that keeps me going, cause I know that it’ll put a smile on the other person’s face.

Well, I tend to analyze people, the things they do and how they behave. It’s interesting actually. But I do it cause I try to figure out who matters and who don’t.  All that I can say is, the people I know aren’t perfect  and same goes to me. No one is perfect.  There might be times where someone stabs your heart  (or your back)with a knife and at times you might be the one hurting the other. At the end of the day, we all have some good in us don’t we?  So we gotta learn to forgive, sacrifice and compromise. 

And LOVE DON’T HATE.

the random questions. :)

Where were you three hours ago?

In the bathroom. Showering. :)

Have you ever eaten a crayon?
No, I remember eating pieces of paper and termites (yes termites!) when I was a kid. A dumb yet curious kid. :P
When was the last time you went to the mall?
Last week. Met up with a friend
Are you wearing socks right now?
Nope. But my feet are covered with my blanky.
Do you have a car worth over $2000?

Nope. I don’t drive.
 When was the last time you drove out of town?
 I said I DON’T DRIVE!!
Last food you ate?
bread
Do you miss anyone right now?

yesss :(
Who is the last person to send you a facebook message or comment?

a friend ;)

ever go to camp?

Once. School red cross camp. LOVED IT. Won the most sporting and outgoing camper. weeee

Where is your best friend?

I have a few. So one is in Taman Cuepacs. Another in Taman Minang. And another in Klang.
What are you listening to right now?
some song in a commercial on TV
What does your last text message say?
“because I really DO miss you., and you’re out having awesome fun right now with your happening cousins. And you’re just texting me u miss me, just because it feels right or you’re prolly having a short “bored” moment there that u HAVE a few seconds to even think of texting me! Just to show that u care. When actually you’re having a blast eating dhal with rasam with your aunty and playing monopoly with your cousin brother Munesh! *breathes* “

Last time you took a shower?

abt 3 hours back.
What were you doing at 12 AM last night?
watching Disney channel. Yes I still watch Disney

What time did you get up this morning?
11am.Which is considered early, cause I woke up at 2pm day before yesterday.
What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
The Hangover 2. That’s why I went to the mall last week. :)
What is your favorite TV show?
At the moment, GREY’S ANATOMY
 If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
That’s easy! US!
 What did you have for breakfast?
Skipped breakfast!
Where would you visit if you had the chance?
Everywhere! starting with US.
Are you a morning person or a night person?
Night person 
Any new and exciting news you’d like to share?
No. life is pretty dull at the moment.
What did you want to be when you were little?
An astronaut
How many times did you fail your driver’s test?
Once. 
From whom did you get your last email?
Haven’t checked my email yet.
Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
I wish I had a credit card to begin with.
Do anything spontaneous lately?
Not that I can remember
Like your job?
Never had one.
Broccoli?
Yes,please!
Last person you went out to dinner with?
My fam! 2 uncles, 2cousin brothers, aunt, mom, bro, grandma, sis in law.
Coffee drinker?
HELL YEAH!
Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
none. I cleared my call log that day.
What is your favorite ring on your phone?
I have my phone on “shut up” mode constantly, even if it does mean missing tones of calls!
What shirt are you wearing?
my cousin’s sis old black tshirt.
Do you "label" yourself?
No
Name the brand of your shoes you're currently wearing?
I'm not wearing shoes, I'm lying on the sofa
What were you doing at midnight last night?
watching Tv
Who told you he/she loved you last?
she did :) :

 How many drugs have you done in the last three days?
I've never done drugs! I take paracetomol though. (when im sick)

Your worst enemy?

I don’t really hate anyone.

what's your current desktop picture?

 What was the last thing you said to someone?
“whatever” to myself. Haha..

If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be?

FLY! There are many millionaires but how many people do you know that can fly?

Do you like someone?

at the moment its this sexy vampire:

David Archuleta in Malaysia. :) 26th july 2011

So, David’s back for the second time and one of my bff Hema Preya decided that I shall not miss the concert this time around. So she’s been kind enough to take part in every contest possible and was lucky enough to win 4 tickets worth RM190 from fly.fm. Since she already bought herself the RM 300 ticket earlier, these four tickets were for  me, my another bestie  Vanessa, and Hema’s college friend.

We went to the Stadium Negara around 3pm for a concert that was supposedly starting at 8pm, and which only started around 9pm.

So basically this what happened BEFORE  the concert began.

Met up with another bestie Yee Lynn at the stadium.

Made posters so we can get David’s attention.

Went around looking at the other ArchAngels. (some weren't exactly nice to meet. ahem ahem)

the so called "crowd"

Amused by some people bad fashion sense (yeah that’s kinda mean, I know)

Bought a David Archuleta Merchandise T-shirt and manage to get a free David calendar that you only get when you buy the album. But the guy was nice enough to give me one. :D

the "calendar" :D

Snapped pics to capture this awesome day.

what am i whining abt now?? haha.. 

Tried to sneak into the sound check, we told to the security we wanted to use the toilet, but it didn’t work.

snapped pic with the sony bmg lady that we saw in other concerts

Hot magazine crew came and snapped our pics and recorded a small vid of us. And hoping David would see it, we made a marriage proposal!!!

picture by Hot magazine

Hema went in for the meet and greet (yes she won meet and greet passes as well) and managed to pass her letter to David.

Hema's letter in David's hand

Finally  it was time to go into the stadium! Weeeeehooo!!  Me and Vanessa entered through the Rm190 gate, but halfway through we ran into the VIP gate. Hahahahha..

the stadium before the concert started

DURING the concert.

We made into the VIP seats but realized that the seating were numbered so we cant be there, we’d get caught. So went to our original seats, which was way back!

Spoke to Van while waiting for the concert to start. Story this, story that. And we were finding a way to get into the VIP area, planning how to get pass the security.  (we regretted not getting the blue-prints of the stadium 

beforehand. :P)

Van and I cam- whoring :D

A  local artist name Hao Ren were the opening act. I wasn’t a big fan of their singing but the dancing part was pretty cool.

Then lil David started off with the song Stomping the roses and we were simply amazed.

Cheering for him at the top of our lungs! (yes, we intentionally wanted to lose our voice. Hahaha)

On his second song, The Other Side of Down, the organizer shoved us to the RM230 seats. I guess its to make the venue look full. Cause before that the place was just pathetic. Vanessa and I were happy to move closer but our aim was VIP or VVIP. Hahah.

So halfway through the show, instead of focusing on David, we started “studying” the security, scheming our master plan. We successfully ran into the VIP section when the guards weren’t around. Yes! And that was just awesome.

Epic success, cause some people got caught by the security but we made it. :) And from then on, it was all about David, happily singing and dancing away on stage. 

Set list: 

                                                         Stomping The Roses

The Other Side of Down

A Little Too Not Over You

Love Don't Hate

Something 'Bout Love

Everybody Wants To Rule The World (Cover of Tears For Fears)

My Kind of Perfect

Elevator

A Thousand Miles (Cover of Vanessa Carlton)

Falling Stars

Touch My Hand

Stand By Me (Cover of Ben E King)

Everything and More

Zero Gravity

After the show so called ‘ended’, the fans wanted more, and started screaming “WE WANT MORE!!!” and David came back for an encore.

Encore:

Heaven (Cover of Bryan Adams)

Crazy (Cover of Gnarls Barkley)

Crush

CRAZY WAS AMAZING!!!

After singing Crush, he waved goodbye to his fans and he went backstage. Then his band was playing the cool ending music and about 5 mins later, David comes back to the stage waved again and then he played drums with one hand when he came back on the stage at the end!

 AFTER the concert.

Most of the fans were leaving. But like about 30 or so people were still there cause two of the band members, Steven the drummer and the bass guitarist were throwing drumsticks, David’s water bottle and set list papers. 

And I went over to the front to ask them to sign my poster and my David calendar and BAMM! That made the rest to pass things for them to sign as well, and I was literally crushed by people.

the band members signing "the calendar"

steven and ben signed my poster

The situation got a bit crazy and the RELA people started to chase us away. So we had no choice but to leave. I was kinda upset that Mark the cute keyboardist did not sign my poster or calendar.

Then here’s when the crazy awesome part of the night started.  Hema, Vanessa, Lynn and I wanted to go sneak backstage and meet David. So we went out the stadium and found the back door and managed to hide from the security.

Lucky for us, that was the time Jeff (David’s dad) and Mark were walking by and we told them to wait for us. We quietly ran towards them and asked for a picture. The head of security (I think) saw us and asked us to leave, but Jeff was so kind and said “they seem harmless” and so we were allowed to be there as long as we behaved.

And so we snapped pics with Mark and also Jeff. Jeff was just so nice and friendly! We spoke to him for so long. He asked us our names, where are we from , how’s the concert, if David met our expectations and stuff. 

Mark the keyboardist! :D

Jeff Archuleta. David's dad :D

Hema and I were busy talking to Jeff while Lynn and Van were hitting on the cute keyboardist. Hahaha.

Then when I asked if Jeff could sign my calendar, he asked why would I want his and if I had David’s. when I sadly said no I didn’t get a chance to get David’s autograph, he was so sweet to actually ask David (who was resting in the room) and got my calendar signed! Thanks Jeff!!! :D 

Once we’re done, we left the stadium with big smiles plastered to our faces. And then we went to find David’s car. Hoping we could ask him for a pic when he was about to leave. After waiting for so long, David finally came out but the security didn’t allow him to go anywhere but to the van. So David said “sorry” to us and went into the van, but he sure did wave back to to us. Thanks David!

We wanted to follow him back to the Hilton Hotel, but it was midnight and we were in KL, so its not safe, so we headed back home, STARSTRUCK!

THIS WAS WAY MORE AWESOME THEN THE TIME WE MEET KRIS ALLEN. :) like what Vanessa said :"we’re upgraded” haha.

these memories will last a lifetime